I remember sitting in a hospital waiting room as a 28 year old, feeling nauseous, weak and lightheaded… basically a tangled up mixture of drama. Oh, I cannot fail to mention that I was trembling…..I did tell you I almost fainted right? The deal was, I had JUST finished trying my best to watch one of my close friends deliver her baby daughter. Everybody can’t handle that. I really tried, but the expression on my face eventually scared HER!!! She went from breathing on cue with the help of her husband, to reaching out for me exclaiming, “Kelsi, its okay! I’m okay! Kelsi! Kelsi! I think she needs to sit down!!!”
I tried folks, I really did try!
As if that wasn’t eventful enough… what happened next was an episode that replayed in my mind for years. As I was minding my business and trying to collect myself in the waiting room… [did I mention I was minding my own business?] A woman seated across from me asked why I was there. When I explained to her that I was waiting to see my friend’s newborn in the nursery, she asked how old I was. I answered. She then asked how many children I had. I answered. Next, she yells to her mother (who was sitting right beside her), “Mama!!! She’s 28 years old and ain’t got no kids!!!”
Normally, that would have been funny except for the fact that I was a young woman suffering from the “almost thirty, but I’m not married and have no children” blues. Now, ten years later, I still haven’t married, nor had children, but feel more encouraged and hopeful about my present and future than I did then. It’s all a matter of perspective. When you believe better, you feel better.
There are a few things I know now that I hadn’t surrendered to then:
1. God has a plan for me.
His plan for me involves timing, lots of detail, and relationships. Everyone whom God sends into your life works into the framework of purpose He has orchestrated for you. The same way there are people who work WITH God’s plan for your life, there are those who work AGAINST God’s plan for your life. Upon understanding this, you realize that each time you allow your carnal desires to trump your DIVINE destiny, you derail God’s timing and open the door to distraction. Allowing yourself to become distracted while God is leading, is a lot like missing an exit on a highway. Your thought may be that you will just get off at the next one, but often times the opportunity to “turn around” is much farther away than you would have bargained for and you typically don’t know how long until after you’ve missed the opportunity to take your exit. You cannot be out of HIs timing and in His will at the same time. His timing IS His will.
2. His plan is BEST.
When you surrender to His plan, your life won’t look like everyone else’s. Why would it, when it is written that His people are a peculiar people (1 Peter 2:9)? Those who are of the world chase their dreams. We chase Him and He gives us our dreams. There is a difference. You may wonder why you have had to endure with patience what others seem to obtain effortlessly and sometimes ruthlessly, but with God, time waited is NEVER time wasted. Anytime you want something badly enough to disobey God to obtain it, that object or desire IS your god, an idol. I promise His plan is BEST. Single His way today is much better than married your way any day!
There are people around the globe who thank me for my ministry. It is humbling and I am clear that the revelation in what He gives me to teach and preach wouldn’t exist had I not been postured to receive it. It has been and continues to be a sacrificial posture. If I said it has been all smiles, I would be lying. Most of the time I don’t understand. Most of the time I’ve wondered why. Most of the time I am stretched. I am not special in the sense we are all called to some level of sacrifice, simply because we are all called to LOVE. God’s love is not a selfish love.
I am quite confident that the marriage and family I will receive by way of obedience to God will be much more fulfilling and miraculous than what I would have mustered up out of natural desire. We are not called to natural, we are called to SUPERnatural. The hard truth is many people “want”, but fewer people “WAIT”. Know that waiting and wanting are NOT the same thing. One can have “wanted” a husband for fifteen years, but only have waited for three months. Every time you take matters into your own hands, your “wait clock” stops until your hands are empty again. While we “waiters” aren’t the majority, we are NOT alone. People often ask how I remain encouraged after waiting “SOOOOOO long”. The answer is simple; I decided to believe God, therefore, I believe it will be well worth the wait. Each day’s trust, patience and obedience is my offering. It’s an offering I can only render with His help.
Be Encouraged and Confident in the fact that He has NOT forgotten you (Philippians 1:6)!!!