Call a tool a tool. Call exposure, exposure. I’ll explain. If you have a five year friendship and friend “A” asks friend “B” to borrow $100 (just an arbitrary figure) with a promise to pay it back and doesn’t, there’s an issue. Your word is your word. If the relationship is fractured and friend “B” goes around reporting that if the friendship is over because of $100, there was never really a friendship, that’s grossly inaccurate. People say those things. I’ve heard it. Then you have people who shake their heads in disapproval that a relationship was ruined over $100 when in fact it WAS NOT. It wasn’t about the money, it was about the disgrace. The $100 just revealed the heart of friend “B”. When friend “B” plans birthday parties, takes vacations, buys things, and continues living life without any concern for the debt they owe, what has been revealed is the lack of honor they have for friend “A” and THAT is what dismantled the friendship. Not thinking enough of their friend to apologize, explain, make payment arrangements, etc.. It isn’t about “the money”, it’s about how you handled your friend and the level of character that causes one to keep their word. Real talk- integrity will cause you to pay back the $100 even if the friendship is over. Integrity will cause you to pay $100 back to a MILLIONAIRE. What they have isn’t your concern, what you owe them is. The check you hand to them could have been the check they tore up. But you never gave yourself the opportunity to be blessed.

Respect and honor in a relationship are highly visible.

People like to say when someone dies that emotions are raw. Yes, they are. But family members don’t fall out BECAUSE emotions are raw. They fall out because in a raw state true character and feelings are revealed and communicated. In a “raw” state, people don’t have the energy to pacify and “cover-up”. So, they say what they mean and do what they feel. You see the real deal.

You didn’t fall out BECAUSE of the pain. You fell out because of what the pain exposed.

I share this because people like to hide. Accountability is uncomfortable for some. So when you think about your fractured relationships, it isn’t “just ” a blouse, a text, $100, a stupid argument, etc.. It’s what those things exposed about the foundation of the relationship. And THAT is why the relationship couldn’t recover.

If someone disappointed you, betrayed you, mishandled you, BLESS THEM, pray God’s best for them. It’s a blessing for the truth to be exposed.

Why don’t relationships that worked “then” work now? You were a different person then. Expectations and needs were different. You’ve raised the bar. Maybe you love yourself now.

For example: Twenty years ago people could talk behind my back, hob knob with those who slandered me, AND be my friend. Now I give them all the space and opportunity in the world to be together and have grand conversation behind my back! Knock yourselves out! Their actions made the choice for them.

I’ll still be kind. You may not even know I’m aware. The gossip was just a tool that exposed.