GOD IS THE GREATEST OF ALL TIMES AND REMAINS UNDEFEATED!!!
Last month I spent a few days in Puerto Rico. I REALLY needed the time away and was quite grateful my friend invited me and my mother to hang out and relax with her and her mother over a long weekend. I own five businesses. Five. Not all of them are public knowledge. My point is, I often feel the weight of a lot on my plate. Each of them carries a unique stress. Delegating has become a strategic ally.
I’m one of those people who needs a significant amount of quiet time. Too much noise without a break begins to feel like chaos to me. I get dressed in silence in the morning and I LOVE it. I’m engaging with God, hearing my thoughts, casting some of them down and embracing others. I’m not saying others can’t do the same through the news or music blaring, I’m just saying it’s a distraction to ME. This is one of the reasons I don’t share hotel rooms. Have you ever noticed that people who like to listen to music while getting ready in the morning, tend to assume everyone does? I’ve found it quite strange for anyone to SPLIT a room and do something that completely changes the atmosphere without asking how the other person feels about it. Now if someone is in YOUR room that you’re paying for solely, that’s different. And please don’t be a guest in someone’s room (not paying) and turn on the television or music without asking the host…that would be a bit rude, no?
Back my story. So, while in Puerto Rico, I took full advantage of the natural sounds. On one side of her mansion was the beach and the ocean maybe 100 yards from her pool, if that. On the other side of the house was the rainforest. I’ll put it this way, no one there needs to buy nature sounds on any app or machine. The birds, bugs, reptiles, whatever all of them were…the sounds were so clear. So very bold. I felt quite immersed in nature. Large crabs crawling around, their claws “click clicking” the asphalt. The 3-4′ iguanas in the front yard every morning. It was a different vibe altogether. I believe that helped me to dive into the recesses of my soul where these muddled feelings were. I was away from all distractions and expectations. No one passing my office and then stopping in and plopping down despite the fact they saw me typing, or reading, or on the phone.
In this quiet, with no deadlines, I began to feel a subtle ache in my heart and I was free to investigate what I was feeling. Finally some “me” time. No one asked why I stayed in my [guest] room for hours on end. No one pressured me to eat, binge watch with them or do ANYTHING when I didn’t feel like it. They just let me BE. It was just a wonderful time of relaxation. I had an opportunity to pause and begin processing some things that have been paining me the last few months. I had been FEELING very disappointed and let down. Of course feelings don’t always portray the truth. And that is what I needed to get at. I needed to see what was going on from God’s perspective, the perspective of His truth and not my bias towards my feelings, interests and perspectives.
A painfully fruitful process began that day and culminated last Friday morning. When He was done answering I felt light enough to SOAR. What had been bothering me and weighing me down was no longer an issue. This past week I moved in to practicing what He taught me and things have felt so much better over all. What I realized in Puerto Rico was that I had to bridge a gap between what I understood cognitively and what I actually embraced in my heart. Cognitive dissonance is dangerous. Sometimes your feelings have to catch up with your faith and if you aren’t intentional about the progress, it won’t happen.
I have six points to share with anyone who has endured a turbulent season relationally. If you find yourself hurt or frustrated over something that has pained you before, and part of your frustration is that you’re here again, this may be for you. These are the six steps that brought me OUT and I have no plans to return. Ultimately, I’m responsible for my feelings about something and hoping someone else changes or alters their thoughts or actions so that I can feel better is a bit too much to expect and the power for ME to feel better should never rest in the hands of another.
Point #1- Don’t beat yourself up over what you’re sensitive to.
Maybe you watched your next door neighbor care for a chicken from the time it was a chick to a full grown hen. You watched her give eggs to neighbors in need. And then you witnessed her grieve when the mean neighborhood mutt whose owner was never responsible enough to keep the dog locked away properly, massacred the hen. Perhaps watching the attack and how it affected people who no longer were able to enjoy eggs as much, has given you a sensitive spot for animals and people in need. Perhaps this is why you fund or work at a soup kitchen.
No one has walked in your exact shoes. So, when you are sensitive about or passionate towards something, don’t let the fact that others don’t “get it” cause you to think something is wrong with you. You simply have a different perspective. And guess what? Those people at the soup kitchen you assist are grateful for your soft spot! You may be the reason more people are helped or that they are able to eat something other than soup. No need to over explain your sensitivity. DO YOU and let those who benefit and appreciate what you have to offer be your focus instead of those who don’t understand you and condemn your position. Point your energy in the right direction! Some may NEVER understand! And while we love them too, we simply don’t debate them about hens, eggs, mean stray dogs or how that relates to being sensitive to those who are in need. They may be totally great at sending you birthday cards, but terrible at relating to or respecting certain sensitivities. If you keep expecting them to give beyond the limited capacity they’ve demonstrated in a given area, whose fault is it that you are repeatedly disappointed? Scan the room of your life and find the person you can talk chicken, hens, mean dogs and soup kitchens with. In a nutshell, appropriate your expectations. You’ll feel much better! Every person in your life is different and everyone brings something to the party. Spoons have a function, and forks a different one. Don’t expect spoons to puncture, nor forks to scoop. Lots of disappointments will be eliminated.
Point #2- Don’t Beat anyone else up over what they aren’t sensitive to.
We can communicate our wishes and still leave people the LIBERTY to be how they CHOOSE to be. Anything beyond communicating our expectations and desires and we slide into manipulating, guilting, nagging and generally feeling unhappy if people don’t behave in a way that makes us comfortable. It’s a control issue in the sense we want to control the behavior of another adult or a control issue in the sense we are giving another human being too much control over our emotional well-being.
THIS IS WHY it is important to get to know people BEFORE investing in deep relationship with them. There are ways they may choose to be that are completely damaging and offensive to you and everything you stand for. Often times we stay in unhealthy relationships because “we’re in it now” and are simply waiting for a person to change. What if they’re happy the way they are? What if it works for them? If you want someone to be different simply because it works better for you, then “they” may not be the issue at all. Kick the selfish habits and seek relationships with people who are like-minded. It’s pretty amazing how well things flow when people within a relationship ascribe to the same or similar foundational convictions. Do you really have time to teach someone to be honest, respectful or decent? Do you want them to practice (pass and fail) on you? I prefer a bit more predictability and stability as I navigate the challenges life brings. I’d prefer not to be hit with “friendly fire”. I already have to tackle the world. I don’t want to tackle or be tackled in the comfort of my own home or personal relationships. I’ve gotta have a safe place somewhere.
Point #3- Stay Tuned…