Guilty!!!

I’m guilty. I don’t just mean in the past, but lately. I’ve been guilty of frustration. Guilty of impatience. We do know that patience isn’t waiting right? We’re going to wait regardless when it comes to what only God can release. Patience is actually waiting with the right attitude. We can murmur, complain and pout while we wait, or we can trust, praise and rejoice in the promise that is on the other end of our wait.

I became frustrated, because I couldn’t understand the point. I couldn’t understand why He has revealed some of the things He has, if CLEARLY some of the things aren’t coming to pass any time soon. Sometimes, when hope hurts, you’d just rather not know. Ignorance can be bliss at times. But when He reveals His plan and purpose you have to deal with the burden of conforming to His divine schedule. So I ask questions like… why did you show me if I was just going to remain irritated by the process? Why did I even have to know?

He had a talk with me today to remind me that it isn’t about my conveniences, but His purpose. And He also reminded me that cooperating with Him during the process is the same as cooperating with Him for the plan itself. A sous chef doesn’t get the credit, but certainly has responsibilities and must take orders and execute as the meal is prepared. The longer a sous chef works beside an executive chef, the more they learn, and the better they become.

So AGAIN, my heart has been restored. I needed it restored AGAIN. And I told Him tonight, that I commit to his purpose AND His schedule (ARRRGGGGHHHH it’s KILLING ME…. I guess that’s the point). I desire to execute my role in His plan with complete synchronicity, virtue and excellence. I am walking this out WITH Him. It’s His plan., so it will be accomplished in HIS time. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale….. Exhale…

Psalm 119:133 is my anthem right now. No iniquity!!! No iniquity tied to doubt, fear, frustration, impatience, bitterness, intolerance, pride….. NO INIQUITY!!! (If you read the scripture you’ll get what I’m saying)

We should feel honored to have a role at all!

Perspective is key….Selah

Far Away Heart

I received a phone call the other day that rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t let on and I made sure to give the proper “christian response”. When the conversation ended, I realized that I felt a “certain way” about what had just been said to me and essentially, what I was feeling in my heart did not line up with the “mature” response that came out of my mouth. At that moment, I realized I had a choice; I could get back to the work I was doing before I was interrupted, or I could take advantage of the moment and use it as an opportunity for growth…. to the Father I went! URGENT CARE!!! THIS was an integrity issue!

I confessed that what I said and what I felt were at opposite ends of the spectrum. I was telling myself, that I didn’t care, but the spirit of truth inside of me wouldn’t allow me to believe the lie.  I also asked Him to show me the root cause of the “hurt feelings” I was experiencing.  I couldn’t say that the person was “wrong”… I mean, surely they weren’t having a great “do unto others…” moment, but to say they were flat out WRONG would be a stretch. Some people just haven’t progressed very far in the “do unto others what you would want done to you” movement- but that’s none of my business.  This wasn’t the time for me to scrutinize anyone else’s actions, I needed to get straightened out myself. I wanted to make sure that I got this “lie” out of my system. My friends, it isn’t enough for us to “do” what we feel God wants us to do, we must AGREE with Him regarding what He wants us to do. The first step is to obey, and the final step (with a process in between) is to AGREE.  Can you see how just “doing” is based on performance, but BEING (heart alignment) is about real transformation and holiness?

Too often,  we do and say the right thing so we can get the credit for doing and saying the right thing. We often give the deep Christian response when our hearts are actually far from it. HELP US LORD! This gulf, disparity, contrast, whatever you wish to call it-should bother us. If we know what the correct action is, then we must also want it to be the TRUTH that is residing in us as well. It is imperative that we take our stinging hearts to the Father immediately.

This was a good lesson for me. I don’t want to merely keep things right horizontally (between myself and others), but more importantly I need things to be right vertically, (between myself and God). I couldn’t rest with the lie in my chest!  I simply asked Him to “fix this darkness that isn’t lining up with Your virtue”.

Think about it….how many times have you said “oh, it’s fine” or “no, I’m okay” while secretly gritting your teeth? When you process the situation, you come up with every logical reason you SHOULD (in all of your deep maturity) feel fine, despite……., but the truth is that you don’t quite feel FINE. One aspect of worshipping Him in truth is OWNING OUR STUFF, seeing it the way He sees it and being willing to take it before Him to be dealt with.

Today, I’m pretty thankful for the phone call simply because I am better because of it!

“Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and  lead me in the way everlasting. ” ~Psalm 139:23 & 24 AMP