Guilty!!!

I’m guilty. I don’t just mean in the past, but lately. I’ve been guilty of frustration. Guilty of impatience. We do know that patience isn’t waiting right? We’re going to wait regardless when it comes to what only God can release. Patience is actually waiting with the right attitude. We can murmur, complain and pout while we wait, or we can trust, praise and rejoice in the promise that is on the other end of our wait.

I became frustrated, because I couldn’t understand the point. I couldn’t understand why He has revealed some of the things He has, if CLEARLY some of the things aren’t coming to pass any time soon. Sometimes, when hope hurts, you’d just rather not know. Ignorance can be bliss at times. But when He reveals His plan and purpose you have to deal with the burden of conforming to His divine schedule. So I ask questions like… why did you show me if I was just going to remain irritated by the process? Why did I even have to know?

He had a talk with me today to remind me that it isn’t about my conveniences, but His purpose. And He also reminded me that cooperating with Him during the process is the same as cooperating with Him for the plan itself. A sous chef doesn’t get the credit, but certainly has responsibilities and must take orders and execute as the meal is prepared. The longer a sous chef works beside an executive chef, the more they learn, and the better they become.

So AGAIN, my heart has been restored. I needed it restored AGAIN. And I told Him tonight, that I commit to his purpose AND His schedule (ARRRGGGGHHHH it’s KILLING ME…. I guess that’s the point). I desire to execute my role in His plan with complete synchronicity, virtue and excellence. I am walking this out WITH Him. It’s His plan., so it will be accomplished in HIS time. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale….. Exhale…

Psalm 119:133 is my anthem right now. No iniquity!!! No iniquity tied to doubt, fear, frustration, impatience, bitterness, intolerance, pride….. NO INIQUITY!!! (If you read the scripture you’ll get what I’m saying)

We should feel honored to have a role at all!

Perspective is key….Selah

Seasons Change…

Seasons change. I have loved people that I’ve had to release, whether because of death, marriage, miles or just the expiration of a season. As life shifts, sometimes configurations change. You’ve heard it before, you have some relationships for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime. Not all endings are bad and bitter.
That said, I cherish the moments, use my words, write letters, send messages and give gifts. I know I mustn’t hold on and prolong anything beyond the season for which it is purposed. I must yield to His plan and respect His course. My endeavor is to make sure that when one reflects across the miles and memories, the sunsets and secrets, the gifts and gains, when a person remembers me and thinks of our time and season of doing life together, they remember honesty, safety, laughter and loyalty…and they simply remember being loved. ❤️❤️❤️ #kelsimarie

Jesus IS the middle….

The truth for a Christian, whether you’re ready or not, whether you like it or not, is that Jesus IS the ministry of reconciliation. He is SUPPOSED to be the CENTER of EVERY relationship you have, whether it’s marital, friendship, parental, sibling or otherwise. He will allow EVERY relationship you have to suffer and fall apart, just so that He can reconcile it and be the center of it. No, not to be mean, but because only through Him….only by Him being at the CENTER of the relationship, can you experience the FULLNESS of the blessing the relationship is intended to be. He HAS to be the center!!! I’ve been ruminating this revelation for about three months.
Here’s an example:
Isaac was a promise for Abraham. Sometimes we desire a promise so much and wait so long that when it manifests, we idolize the promise. We serve it and have a greater affection for it than we do God. Sound familiar? God desired to be the CENTER of Abraham and Isaac’s relationship. He has to be the middle, the reconciler. And when Abraham lifted the knife, he proved his faithfulness to God. He chose God over his son, therefore God gave his son back to him (provided a ram in the bush). At that point God became the mediator, the CENTER of the relationship, His rightful place. With order established, every future blessing God intended for Abraham to have through Isaac, could be given. He HAS to be the CENTER!!! Make Him the center so that He doesn’t have to SHOW you He’s the one keeping it together!!! (One of the many things I’ve learned from Bonhoeffer ❤️)

Separate And Unequal

Great care is taken when oxen are yoked together, because a mis-match can be costly to the oxen, to the owner AND the assignment/project. 

If they have a mutual strength, but desire different directions (one is wild and unruly), you can only imagine the havoc, brutality, warring and injuries the two will suffer. 

If there is a desire to go different directions and one is stronger than the other, imagine the abuse and injuries the weaker one will suffer as it tries to stand it’s ground but is forced, trampled upon and pulled BY THE NECK. It could be deadly. 

For us it could be the death of a destiny, death of dreams, death of a birthright, death of ……well, you name it. So often, we erroneously believe that a God who loves us so much, is trying to keep us from happiness, companionship and love. How is it possible that the One who IS love is trying to keep us FROM love? Do we REALLY know and understand what love is and does? 

In truth, it is the fighting, the slaying, the injury, death and loss we unknowingly agree to, from which He is trying to protect us. Even after initial bliss (if it was really ever that), there is ALWAYS an end game. #kelsimarie

IS She Jealous of Me???

Isn’t that always the first thing that women say to themselves or in conversation? You fall out with the little girl on the playground, the other popular girl in high school, the young lady whose path you cross sometimes on the university campus, the lady at the office that is always staring at you- even your friend when the two of you have fallen out. What is it about women where the very first assumption we make after the onset of perceived conflict is that she has to be jealous? Could it be that you’re so familiar with jealousy that it seems only logical to paste the label on someone else? I can almost hear you retort, “I’m not jealous of anyone!!!”

The FACT of the matter is that jealousy rises up in each of us more often than we care to admit. Often times the sting is so subtle and natural that you haven’t really thought to label it. It’s a very common emotional reaction, actually. You know how it is when you’ve been working exhausting hours on a job that “pays the bills” only to get a phone call from your sister friend that she just got a raise? Jealousy disguises itself in the voice that says,  “girl, you don’t even work that hard and you’re getting even MORE money- good for youuuu……(knot in the throat, chest tightening). What about the, oh so common very over-worked phrase, “it must be nice….”? There ARE those times when you’re having the usual irritating day and your phone rings, and you don’t want to hear another WONDERFUL thing from your FOREVER CHIPPER friend, while you feel you are barely staying afloat or above a suicidal level. And we say prayers such as “Lord, it isn’t that I don’t want anyone else to have it, but why can’t I have it TOO?” JEALOUSY.

I’m going to venture into the secret place now where only your most embarrassing and unkind truths and God exist. When you’ve been under the assumption that someone’s life was pretty much PERFECT, and you receive and welcome (I might add) news of some flaw, hiccup or misfortune and you notice that slight tinge of relief that their life isn’t that perfect, after all. While you’re in the throws of supporting the sister, friend, associate, there is the hint of reality that you have been jealous of that person. And many of us will feel so guilty about the feeling- that sense of relief, that we tuck it away under mounds of disingenuous and “faithful” support for her during the ordeal. But in our quiet time, that gruesome revelation about ourselves (the fact we felt relief) needs to be confronted. We must hold ourselves accountable. We never address the sting in the stomach area, knot in the throat, chest gripping, sinking feeling  manifestations that we are JEALOUS and really feel like yelling, WHY NOT ME……….TOO?!?!?!?! Any time we have crossed over into a mode of comparing our ratio of effort and results to that of someone else’s, there is a deep seated envy biting at your soul; a voice crying out in the inner recesses of your being that life is not fair; that you have received less than you deserve. Even when you dare not say it, those thoughts can be likened to a jagged-toothed piranha nipping at your hope.

It is at this time that prayer and meditation are ESSENTIAL. In quiet reflection and awareness, we must leave the door open for the Holy Spirit of God to bring to our attention to the things about ourselves that the chaos of life push to our secret place (Psalm 139:23-24). We have to realize it isn’t that someone’s blessings are eroding our confidence and esteem; it is simply our reaction to their blessings that is the culprit. The same spirit of pride that has us convinced we have less than what we have earned is the same one that drives us to believe any conflict is birthed of jealousy. We ought not to think so highly of ourselves. Has it ever occurred to you that without intention, you caused someone to have a certain perception of you? Maybe that individual isn’t jealous, but you project attitudes or behavior that is less than desirable. It could be ANYTHING. We (women, sisters, girlfriends) need to pull from the very root, the weeds that have sprouted from the seed of competition that was planted in us as little girls. Let’s undo the “once over and compare” glare that comes so naturally when another woman walks into the room. Comparing is the offspring of competition. Let’s learn to celebrate one another’s success without trying to understand the method or circumstances by which someone was favored or blessed. Let’s work on being grateful and content with what we have and not insult God by being a bitter hostage to another person’s “green grass”. Finally, let’s trust in His sovereignty and ability. He knows us and how and when to bless each one of us.  She probably isn’t jealous of you and you need to stop forcing unhealthy competition with her. May this message be CLEAR: Seek first to understand what is really going on with you.