I’m alive. That’s significant because as I prayed in the new year I had a very deep feeling that it was my last New Year. I had never felt that before. I was sorta like…ok Lord, but honestly I feel pretty jipped because there’s a LOT that has been promised that hasn’t happened yet. But the only words I uttered were “Be it unto me according to thy will”. And that was that. Then New Year’s Day one of my prophetic sisters messaged me asking if I was okay. I answered in the affirmative and questioned her inquiry. She said she’d had a dream that felt way too real. I told her about my impression and then she told me her dream was that I had died and she was desperately trying to get to my mother in the dream. She said she was crying so badly she woke up out of her sleep. After hearing that I wasn’t sure I’d even make it through the night! I was about an hour from home so my only request was that I didn’t perish in a car wreck. I’m saying “wreck” instead of accident because this is Dallas and if you know anything about the way people drive here, then you get it. People shouldn’t drive the way they do and then call it an accident if they crash!

Y’all may laugh, but I’m serious. I’ve given Him my life and there are just some ways I DON’T desire to die and I’ve chosen to believe He’ll honor that. Now back to my point. After that convo I mentioned all of it to three people (who are trusted sources as it pertains to moves of God in my life) to see what they got. If I did die, I also wanted my mom to know that I knew already and that it was ok. I knew they’d tell her. All of them came back with the same thing. I figured I’d ask one more. Someone on a different continent who may not be as emotional about it if the Lord was showing me passing. I figured my closest friends here may have a more difficult time accepting it because of what they’ve seen me walk through and what they desire to see manifest in my life because of it. But even she came back with the same revelation. All of them prayed and believed the death wasn’t physical, but that something in me was going to die…and needed to. Whew! Ok, brace yourself. Another ride.

I’m only sharing this because of what I shared yesterday. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves the hard questions. What part have you played in your betrayals and/or disappointments? Do you have a savior complex? Is it difficult for you to say no? Are you always trying to push people whose heels are dug into the ground? Do you want someone’s healing, deliverance or success more than they do? Do you ignore indicators and red flags? Do you use and consult wisdom in HOW you help people? Do you assume people who don’t have integrity in other areas of their lives will demonstrate integrity with you? Do you believe people “have changed” when they haven’t displayed any indication they have? Do you call enablement forgiveness? The list goes on and on.

No one has traveled this life for a significant amount of time without baggage from the trip. I can “hear” insecurities come out of the mouths of the best of them. Who cares! I haven’t met anyone who walks water. The dangerous ones are those who give no thought about dealing with their junk and continue to damage people.Just because a bull has been let loose in a fine china store doesn’t mean you need to sit around watching or attempting to wrangle it. Eventually the bull will get cut by the mess it makes. Walk out, let the bull get tired, then collect the insurance money. Don’t go to every mess you’re invited to! Sometimes you gotta let the bull be the bull and get the bull. Yeah, I said it.