Don’t Box with God!

A little over a year ago, I listed a house to sell. In a short time, I was heading out of the country and really wanted to be in contract by the time I left. No problem! I just KNEW it would be an easy sale. The house was only a year old! I prayed, had it staged, invested in a great marketing system, and scheduled my OPEN HOUSE dates. I honestly expected to only have to do one OPEN HOUSE though. I knew this particular floor plan was limited in this development and was in high demand.
The most ridiculous things started happening. And I do mean ridiculous. I fell out of contract before the ink had a chance to dry. At that point I had been in real estate for twelve years and had never heard of such a thing that happened, happening. JUST BIZARRE!!! Then, there was all of this interest, but no bites for no particular reason.
I go out of the country trying to manage phone calls while I’m a whole day ahead and busy with a full schedule. When I returned, the client was in danger of losing her deposit and another house that was being built, because her offer was contingent (upon the sale of this subject property). It was a MESS that made NO SENSE!!! I WAS STRESSED OUT!
Finally, one Saturday morning I prayed, “Father, I need you to show me what is going on. In warfare I have You on my side and I don’t struggle like this. I’m out here getting mollywapped, and that is leading me to believe I’m not fighting the enemy, but that I’m fighting YOU. I know I can’t win a fight with you! Am I fighting You? Are You keeping the house from selling???”
*ding*ding*ding* I had finally asked the right question. I offered the right prayer. He revealed the house hadn’t sold, because He wanted ME to move into it. Only this meant a relocation. A relocation I hadn’t planned for. A relocation I didn’t want!
I asked Him to confirm it while I was out of town that weekend at a prayer retreat. I vowed I would obey His answer, I just needed to be SURE. He confirmed. I cried for a week before asking Him to deal with my heart concerning the matter. I was expecting to relocate, but I thought it would be to Dallas or LA. I wanted my heart’s desires to match His. I didn’t want to obey grudgingly.
Two months later, I was out!!! And let me tell you this. It wasn’t until the morning after I spent the first night in the house that I walked out of my bedroom and realized I NEEDED the move. I had been suffocating and didn’t even know it. I had become so used to my atmosphere, that I didn’t realize the season was up, and that staying longer would have put me out of alignment with the next leg of my journey. Time was of the essence. There were connections that needed to be made, and relationships that needed to form. And my face needed to be in the new territory for the hand shakes and dinner dates to happen. If you’ve ever traveled, you know that “connecting flights” are critical and are the reason you do or don’t get to your destination on time. Sure, we’d all like a direct flight, but sometimes paths need to cross, a person critical to our journey is flying out from a different airport, and is en route to wrap up an assignment in a city we aren’t designated. The connecting flight the two of you have in common reveals the next move to and for you both!
Lots of supernatural occurrences happened throughout this transition, but I will abstain from sharing for now, due to the length of this post.
My point: Because of our humanity, we don’t like to suffer. We don’t like discomfort. And often times when we encounter discomfort, setbacks, suffering and/or a lack of fulfillment, we assume it has to be the enemy. Not so!
Sometimes it is God! Sometimes, He’s pushing us to higher heights, deeper depths, and a place of humility and service that is outside of our comfort zones and realms of familiarity. We’re being pushed out of the nest! Sometimes the pain and inconvenience is TOTALLY GOD!
Look at Jesus! NOTHING was comfortable or convenient about His trip to the cross, yet it pleased and glorified God.
Submit, surrender, and don’t give up. He’s got a plan for you, and it is GOOD even when the process FEELS contrary.
Oh and let me tell you this…. the house that wouldn’t sell? Yeah, the one I live in! There hasn’t been ONE month that has passed since I submitted and moved in, that someone hasn’t called to buy the house. Some are rather aggressive asking when it will be back on the market! What can they offer!!? When God holds something up, He holds it up! When He releases it, He releases it! He holds the POWER!!! When we strive with Him, we WILL NOT win!

More Time…

“What do you mean she didn’t make it?”

 

“Sir, her family is in the room, would you like to join them?”

 

What are you talking about? Dead? Tammy ain’t dead! I just spoke to her this afternoon. Where is she?

 

Sir, I can take you to the family. You just didn’t make it in time. I’m so sorry. Why don’t you follow me?

 

Jared felt cold…as if he was completely uncovered. The hallway the doctor started down looked white, barren, and long. My legs won’t move. What’s wrong with my legs? “Uhhh ma’am…, doctor? Suddenly Jared felt the floor under his throbbing head. If two people clanged cymbals on both sides of his head, the noise would be less deafening than the throbbing he could hear in his ears. The light above him looked like a huge flying saucer, now it was becoming blurry, and he could feel tears running into his ears. Where is she? Tammy, where are you at? Wait…. [Darkness] Let me just lay here and catch my breath. I just needed more time. I just needed more t….

Days like today are what life is made of. Nikki Rodgers wore my Starter jacket during the whole lunch recess AND she saw the kickball game. She saw me kick the ball over the fence… she SAW me! B+ on my spelling test, my Louisville cut is fresh, AND we’re headed to the coliseum for the Warriors game tonight. This might be the best day of my whole 8th grade. I might even ask Uncle Luke if I can wear his other pair of Cazal’s tonight. I’m feeling lucky- like ANYTHING is possible! Maybe that’s what Gramma means when she says anything is possible with Jesus. Maybe she means days like THIS!!!

 

Jared fakes a dribble up the walkway, and shoots a jump shot with his invisible ball as he opens the screen door.

 

“Boy! What I tell you about letting my door slam!”

 

“Sorry gramma! It’s me, I’m home.”

 

“Hey baby. Come gimme my sugah. How was school? You get the test back?”

 

“Yep, B+ gramma!”

 

“Well, alright now! I told you anything is possible if you only believe!”

 

Hmmm…that’s what she was talking about? I thought it was a miracle Nikki wanted to wear my Starter. That seems bigger than a spelling test.

 

“Gramma, I’m hungr….”

 

“Boy, I know. You’ve been hungry since you been alive. I made you a roast beef sandwich with the meat we had left over from last night. Just like you like it. Sit down so granny can feed you.”

 

“K. Gramma who’s that outside?”

 

“Oh, her name is Tammy. Her parents moved into the house across the street. I’m gonna be watching her every day until they get home from work. So, she’ll be here during the afternoons with you. She starts at your school tomorrow. I told her parents she can walk home with you after school……I said, I told them…”

 

“I heard you…”

 

Gramma spins around with her hand on her hip. “You say something Jared Daniel?”

 

“Yes ma’am. I mean no ma’am… I mean, yes, I’ll walk her home if I have to.”

 

“Of course you will because you’re a gentleman and it’s good to be kind. (Gramma’s voice fading in the distance) “It’s godly to be hospitable.”

 

Man, she’s pretty!

 

“Jared, do you hear me?”

 

“Huh gramma? Ummm yeah. Sorry, who’s in the hospital?”

 

 

I guess we would’ve been like brother and sister if we hadn’t always loved one another. I’ve loved her since I was 12. I took her to her prom. She didn’t speak to me for months after I didn’t take her to mine. The other girls at her catholic high school did things she didn’t do. Tammy was different. I just had to protect her.

 

She’s been right about every girlfriend I’ve had. And as far as I’m concerned, none of her boyfriends have been good enough for her either! She’s always been different. Even after we were grown she’d go sit and talk with gramma. Like she was an old lady trapped in a young woman’s body. She’s just always felt like home.

 

I keep dreaming about her. I see her face at the oddest times. When I envision her smile, I catch myself smiling. I don’t like the way that makes me feel. I don’t like not feeling in control. And her mouth. No other woman talks back to me like that! Why do I let her get away with that? She ALWAYS has something to say! I CAN’T STAND that!

 

I’ll be thirty-five next month. Mom keeps telling me I need a covering. I keep telling her she covers me just fine! She told me last week that one day somebody’s gonna snag Tammy. Where that come from? Uhhhh ok. Like I told mom, as long as he does right by her, we’re good! I felt nauseous when I said it though. But Tammy scares me. She doesn’t really NEED to get married though. I can’t even think of who could really handle her. She’s always wanted to be married and have kids though. Tammy… (he nods smiling) She’s sharp. She’s beautiful. She’s trustworthy. She’s LOYAL. (Stomach flutters again) Yeah, he’d have to be…. I wonder if she ever thinks about us. She acts like she never has time to hang out anymore, but I see how she looks at meI just don’t know if I can...(phone vibrating interrupts Jared’s reverie)

Answers phone clearing throat“Good Afternoon, Jared Sinclair…”

 

“Jared, it’s Christine.”

 

“Hi Mama Christine! You don’t sound like yourself. You sick? You okay?”

 

“Jared, it’s Tammy…there’s been an accident.”

 

“What’s wrong with Tammy? Where are you? She okay?” (grabbing keys off his desk)

 

“They brought her to Highland. Are you close? Oh my God!!! I have to go Jared. Get her if you can!”

 

(Jared frantically dials his mother) “Umm Mr. Sinclair, you have a client at 2:30… Mr. Sinclair!”

 

“Not now Janine! Family emergency! C’mon! Why is this elevator so slow!…. Yeah, mom? Where are you? I need you to pick up. Meet me at Highland. Something happened to Tammy…”

 

(driving frantically, weaving in and out of traffic) I’ma tell her. I’m just gonna tell her how I feel. Wait, how do I feel? What am I supposed to say, you feel like home? You make me think of my gramma? I can’t even think. God, just let her be okay. I know you’ll tell me what to say. Just let her be ok, okay? Please? PLEASE! I just need more time.

 

 

(gasping for air, looking around) What is that?(chest pumping) Where am I? I’m in my room. That’s the alarm. Jared moves his left arm to grab his cell phone and feels the tear soaked pillow against the side of his face. Let me catch my breath, MAN! I was dreaming. [exhale] The clock reads 5:05am.

 

 

“Yeah gurl, so let’s just meet up at Kincaid’s after work. I want to hear ALL about it. You’re giving me something to look forward to while I’m at work all day. It’s gonna be CRAZY. I have four c-sections scheduled.”

 

(Loud knocking at door)

 

“It isn’t even 8am. Who is that banging on my door!”

 

“Oh my goodness. I can hear it over the phone. Keep me on the phone while you go check sis. People crazy.”

 

“Gurl, it’s Jared.”

 

“Tammy, what he doing over there so early?”

 

“That’s what I’m about to find out! I’ll call you back.”

 

(opening door) “Jared, why are you popping up at my house and knocking on my door like you’re the police? Do you know what time it is? And why do you look like that? (straightening head scarf and tightening the belt on her robe) I’m looking all crazy… Jared? What is it? You alright?”

 

“You look beautiful.”

 

(side eye) “Jared, what’s wrong with you?”

 

“We need to talk…”

 

© 2017 Kelsi Marie

What a Difference a Year Makes…

“He slapped me! I know I’ve put up with a lot of things, but THAT I cannot deal with. I can’t be with anyone I’m afraid of!”

 

“Wait, what? What do you mean he slapped you?”

 

“Just that! I walked up to him when he was up in arms about something with one of the counselors. When I approached him to ask what was wrong, he looked at me with some deranged look on his face and hauled off and slapped me!”

 

“Okay, wait…. Did he say anything? That just doesn’t sound like him. What did the counselor do? If this wasn’t you telling the story, I wouldn’t even believe it. I want to say are you sure, but I know you’re sure you got slapped. I’m so confused.”

 

“I just left.”

 

“Wait what? Where are you?”

 

“Home.”

 

“You mean in your cabin?”

 

“No, HOME. As in seven minutes from your house. I came home!”

 

“Wait a minute… something isn’t right. Elyse, this doesn’t make sense! This is bothering me. He didn’t say anything…you just left the village?”

 

“They were trying to stop me, but I just ran to my cabin to pack. I’m DONE!!! I was on the next bus before he even knew I left. He didn’t even come to my cabin to try to stop me from leaving! He doesn’t even care!” (bursts into tears)

 

“Have you heard from him?”

 

“I blocked him.”

 

“Oh GOSH! Elyse!!!”

 

“He hit me! Are you defending him?”

 

“No, I’m saying something isn’t adding up.”

 

“Right! Like me agreeing to go on that missions trip with his youth and I don’t even like camping! Then getting humiliated.”

 

“Noooo, I mean his actions don’t make sense. Something isn’t right. And you’re not giving his consistent behavior a voice at all! ”

 

“Anyway girl, I’m done with this city. I had plenty of time to think on that 12 hour flight home. I told Synergy Inc. I’d have an answer for them upon my return next week. I called and told them I came back early and that I’m going to take the assignment. I’ll be gone for 12 months. Unless he gave me a reason to stay, I was prepared to leave. I feel like this opportunity is timed perfectly. I fly out tomorrow morning.”

 

“Wait a minute… I think you’re rushing a major decision. You don’t even like cold weather and you’re going to move across the country over a relationship not working out? You need to think about this.”

 

“God provided an opportunity that’s right on time!”

 

“I don’t sense God in this. I sense confusion! Don’t put my Papa in this!”

 

“Gurl, I’m tired. I was already thinking about going. You know that. He was the only reason I would have stayed. I need the change. I need to get my mind off of everything. I love you gurl, and thank you, but I have to finish packing. I gotta be in a car to the airport at 6am. I’ve got 11 hours to finish packing for a year and setting up my bill pays. I’ll call you from the airport.”

 

“Elyse, wait!”

 

“It’s a done deal girl! I docusigned my offer letter. I’ll call you in the morning, pray for me! And if you come over I’m not gonna answer the door. I’m doing this!”

 

“Elyse!”

 

Meanwhile, in the Philippines…

 

“What do you mean she left? You let her leave? You slapped her and let her leave?”

 

“I didn’t slap her. I killed a mosquito.”

 

“Okay, but you didn’t even tell her that?”

 

“I couldn’t! She went crazy! I was trying to calm her down and she said something about being done with abuse and ran off. I was due at the other end of camp to introduce the new students and thought I’d head to her cabin and explain later. But when I got there, they said she had packed up and caught a ride back to town on the supply bus. She told them she was headed back to the States man!  My calls are going straight to voicemail. She’s crazy man. But I can’t have her thinking I just slapped her. I was yelling about the vaccinations being late when she walked up. I don’t even know if she knows what I was upset about. I was gonna ask her to marry me tonight, but I’m sitting here talking to you and she’s God knows where. What happened? Gary rubs his hands over his face, what am I going to do?”

 

“Hey man, there’s nothing you can do. You’ll be on furlough in two weeks. You’d better head to Phoenix and straighten this out.”

 

“And what, she just gone keep her phone off?”

 

“Nah man, you got blocked! Straight to voicemail when you call?”

 

“Yeah!”

 

“Did your text messages show as “delivered”?”

 

“Nah…”

 

“Yeah, you blocked homeboy…”

 

“What is all that? I’ll go crazy thinking about this while we’re seven thousand miles apart. I gotta get a handle on this situation with these malaria vaccines. I’ll deal with that when I take my time off. I just can’t believe she’d think I would hit her. I can’t believe she’s shutting me out. I’ve never been violent towards her…never! WOMEN!”

 

….

 

I’ve got it all lined up! Janine is flying in Tuesday, and we’ll pick you up at the airport Thursday! I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in almost a year! And FaceTime doesn’t count!

 

“I know girl, I can’t wait to get home! I’m done with snow. I’m done with New York traffic. I’m done with 14 hour work days. I’m ready to get back to the desert. I’ll never complain about Arizona winters again. As soon as y’all pick me up, the first place we’re going is Spinato’s… matter of fact, y’all can have a medium pepperoni waiting in the car!”

 

“Gurl, we miss our friend, and our friend misses her pizza! Anyway!”

 

“No shade, no shade. Well, I gotta get things wrapped up here. And I have to meet with the owner of some charity or non-profit we’re committing funds to this year. I’m on my way out, so I don’t why I have to be the one to meet with them, but whatever. Tomorrow night I’m on a plane back to the west coast! Yayee, yayee, as Ice Cube would say.”

 

“Gurl, you crazy! Bye!”

 

“Bye gurl.”

 

“Ms. Robins security just called from downstairs. Your 3 o’clock is on his way up, should I just show him to the main conference room to wait for you?”

 

“Yeah, I just have to run down to HR to sign a few documents. Just tell him I won’t be long. Make sure he’s comfortable.”

 

“Will do.”

 

Elevator dings…

 

Elyse steps in only to freeze mid-stride as her heart turns to a rock in her chest. Oh God…Oh my God. What is he doing here?

 

New York? She’s been in New York all this time? “Elyse…”

 

“Hi… you’re the representative from the non-profit? I hadn’t even looked at the name of the organization, or else I would’ve…”

 

“It was a mosquito.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“There was a mosquito on your cheek. I had just been made aware of a malaria outbreak in the village. A few people were really ill and we didn’t have our vaccines yet. I just reacted when I saw the mosquito. I was worried. I’m so sorry…”

 

“I…”

 

 

**Moral of the story… Often times, it isn’t the act itself that scars you. It’s what you believe about the act. Don’t allow your past to narrate your present.

 

What if she’d allowed him to explain about the malaria outbreak?

 

What if he’d been a few minutes late to his meeting to explain?

 

What if they’d come home from the missions trip engaged after having a moment of clarity about “the slap”?

 

What would things have looked like these 12 months later?

 

What if…

 

© 2017 Kelsi Marie

 

 

 

Guilty!!!

I’m guilty. I don’t just mean in the past, but lately. I’ve been guilty of frustration. Guilty of impatience. We do know that patience isn’t waiting right? We’re going to wait regardless when it comes to what only God can release. Patience is actually waiting with the right attitude. We can murmur, complain and pout while we wait, or we can trust, praise and rejoice in the promise that is on the other end of our wait.

I became frustrated, because I couldn’t understand the point. I couldn’t understand why He has revealed some of the things He has, if CLEARLY some of the things aren’t coming to pass any time soon. Sometimes, when hope hurts, you’d just rather not know. Ignorance can be bliss at times. But when He reveals His plan and purpose you have to deal with the burden of conforming to His divine schedule. So I ask questions like… why did you show me if I was just going to remain irritated by the process? Why did I even have to know?

He had a talk with me today to remind me that it isn’t about my conveniences, but His purpose. And He also reminded me that cooperating with Him during the process is the same as cooperating with Him for the plan itself. A sous chef doesn’t get the credit, but certainly has responsibilities and must take orders and execute as the meal is prepared. The longer a sous chef works beside an executive chef, the more they learn, and the better they become.

So AGAIN, my heart has been restored. I needed it restored AGAIN. And I told Him tonight, that I commit to his purpose AND His schedule (ARRRGGGGHHHH it’s KILLING ME…. I guess that’s the point). I desire to execute my role in His plan with complete synchronicity, virtue and excellence. I am walking this out WITH Him. It’s His plan., so it will be accomplished in HIS time. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale….. Exhale…

Psalm 119:133 is my anthem right now. No iniquity!!! No iniquity tied to doubt, fear, frustration, impatience, bitterness, intolerance, pride….. NO INIQUITY!!! (If you read the scripture you’ll get what I’m saying)

We should feel honored to have a role at all!

Perspective is key….Selah

Seasons Change…

Seasons change. I have loved people that I’ve had to release, whether because of death, marriage, miles or just the expiration of a season. As life shifts, sometimes configurations change. You’ve heard it before, you have some relationships for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime. Not all endings are bad and bitter.
That said, I cherish the moments, use my words, write letters, send messages and give gifts. I know I mustn’t hold on and prolong anything beyond the season for which it is purposed. I must yield to His plan and respect His course. My endeavor is to make sure that when one reflects across the miles and memories, the sunsets and secrets, the gifts and gains, when a person remembers me and thinks of our time and season of doing life together, they remember honesty, safety, laughter and loyalty…and they simply remember being loved. ❤️❤️❤️ #kelsimarie

Is Morning Breath Okay ALL DAY???

Is morning breath okay all day?

2 Peter 3:11,13 & 14 (AMP)

Since all these things are thus in the process of being dissolved, what kind of person ought [each of] you to be [in the meanwhile] in consecrated and holy behavior and devout and godly qualities, 
But we look for new heavens and a new earth according to His promise, in which righteousness (uprightness, freedom from sin, and right standing with God) is to abide. 
So, beloved, since you are expecting these things, be eager to be found by Him [at His coming] without spot or blemish and at peace [in serene confidence, free from fears and agitating passions and moral conflicts].

Again, is morning breath okay all day? I know you wonder what my question has to do with the scripture reference. Here’s the thing, no one likes to be taken advantage of. Have you ever REALLY loved someone, I mean REALLY LOVED someone and had them totally take advantage of the fact that you would move Heaven and Earth for them? Doesn’t it hurt to love someone so much, treat them so well and then see them utilize your love, and dismiss your efforts and loyalty in an effort to pursue and please someone else, who does not and cannot love them nearly as much?

All of us have morning breath; I get it. But on the day a married couple is able to lounge with one another, whispering sweet nothings to each other all day, wouldn’t you AT LEAST expect your beloved to swish around a little mouthwash…..just for YOUR comfort and ease? Just because my husband is supposed to love me beyond my surface doesn’t mean I should never dress up for him, wear the color he loves to see me in, the dress he adores me in and the perfume that drives him crazy (good crazy). Just because your wife is supposed to love you unconditionally doesn’t mean you should never bathe, shave or spend quality time with her. These are things we do whether we feel like it or not- simply because we want to be considerate of the desires of our counterparts. We want to show them that we love them and don’t take their presence in our lives for granted. At least that is what a thoughtful person does. 

Why is it then, that we take advantage of the patience, grace, mercy and long-suffering of a HOLY God? We want the assurance of salvation and the perks and benefits of Christianity, but too often we don’t want it to cost us any comfort. A transformed mind, a reformed heart and adjusted behavior pleases Him, but since we know He is forgiving, we’d just rather bend only to the extent that isn’t uncomfortable. Scripture is plain, but we’d rather rely on excuses like, “he knows my heart”, “that behavior is natural” or the famous “we’re under grace and not the law”. We abhor murderers, but make excuses for lying and fornicating when sin is sin in His eyes. ALL sin is wicked and offensive to Him. Murdering in the streets comes as easy to some as sexing outside of marriage does for others. 
You can’t really believe there should be no change- no difference in disposition and behavior from that of a non-believer. It isn’t enough to just believe IN God. Scripture is clear that demons believe AND tremble (in fearful reverence), so believing in Him isn’t so impressive. Do you love Him enough and consider Him enough to present yourself a living sacrifice which scripture states is your REASONABLE service. It isn’t even above and beyond. It’s just the least you can do for ALL He has done.
Do you love Him enough to make an effort BEYOND what is comfortable or comes naturally? He gives us supernatural ability to exceed what comes naturally you know. 
Are you willing to be your best for THE BEST or will you only give Him morning breath?

IS She Jealous of Me???

Isn’t that always the first thing that women say to themselves or in conversation? You fall out with the little girl on the playground, the other popular girl in high school, the young lady whose path you cross sometimes on the university campus, the lady at the office that is always staring at you- even your friend when the two of you have fallen out. What is it about women where the very first assumption we make after the onset of perceived conflict is that she has to be jealous? Could it be that you’re so familiar with jealousy that it seems only logical to paste the label on someone else? I can almost hear you retort, “I’m not jealous of anyone!!!”

The FACT of the matter is that jealousy rises up in each of us more often than we care to admit. Often times the sting is so subtle and natural that you haven’t really thought to label it. It’s a very common emotional reaction, actually. You know how it is when you’ve been working exhausting hours on a job that “pays the bills” only to get a phone call from your sister friend that she just got a raise? Jealousy disguises itself in the voice that says,  “girl, you don’t even work that hard and you’re getting even MORE money- good for youuuu……(knot in the throat, chest tightening). What about the, oh so common very over-worked phrase, “it must be nice….”? There ARE those times when you’re having the usual irritating day and your phone rings, and you don’t want to hear another WONDERFUL thing from your FOREVER CHIPPER friend, while you feel you are barely staying afloat or above a suicidal level. And we say prayers such as “Lord, it isn’t that I don’t want anyone else to have it, but why can’t I have it TOO?” JEALOUSY.

I’m going to venture into the secret place now where only your most embarrassing and unkind truths and God exist. When you’ve been under the assumption that someone’s life was pretty much PERFECT, and you receive and welcome (I might add) news of some flaw, hiccup or misfortune and you notice that slight tinge of relief that their life isn’t that perfect, after all. While you’re in the throws of supporting the sister, friend, associate, there is the hint of reality that you have been jealous of that person. And many of us will feel so guilty about the feeling- that sense of relief, that we tuck it away under mounds of disingenuous and “faithful” support for her during the ordeal. But in our quiet time, that gruesome revelation about ourselves (the fact we felt relief) needs to be confronted. We must hold ourselves accountable. We never address the sting in the stomach area, knot in the throat, chest gripping, sinking feeling  manifestations that we are JEALOUS and really feel like yelling, WHY NOT ME……….TOO?!?!?!?! Any time we have crossed over into a mode of comparing our ratio of effort and results to that of someone else’s, there is a deep seated envy biting at your soul; a voice crying out in the inner recesses of your being that life is not fair; that you have received less than you deserve. Even when you dare not say it, those thoughts can be likened to a jagged-toothed piranha nipping at your hope.

It is at this time that prayer and meditation are ESSENTIAL. In quiet reflection and awareness, we must leave the door open for the Holy Spirit of God to bring to our attention to the things about ourselves that the chaos of life push to our secret place (Psalm 139:23-24). We have to realize it isn’t that someone’s blessings are eroding our confidence and esteem; it is simply our reaction to their blessings that is the culprit. The same spirit of pride that has us convinced we have less than what we have earned is the same one that drives us to believe any conflict is birthed of jealousy. We ought not to think so highly of ourselves. Has it ever occurred to you that without intention, you caused someone to have a certain perception of you? Maybe that individual isn’t jealous, but you project attitudes or behavior that is less than desirable. It could be ANYTHING. We (women, sisters, girlfriends) need to pull from the very root, the weeds that have sprouted from the seed of competition that was planted in us as little girls. Let’s undo the “once over and compare” glare that comes so naturally when another woman walks into the room. Comparing is the offspring of competition. Let’s learn to celebrate one another’s success without trying to understand the method or circumstances by which someone was favored or blessed. Let’s work on being grateful and content with what we have and not insult God by being a bitter hostage to another person’s “green grass”. Finally, let’s trust in His sovereignty and ability. He knows us and how and when to bless each one of us.  She probably isn’t jealous of you and you need to stop forcing unhealthy competition with her. May this message be CLEAR: Seek first to understand what is really going on with you.