PAINFULLY CLEAR
Nothing hurts like a broken heart. Whether it stems from death, divorce, a break-up, or a severed friendship, the ACHE is consistent in all relationships. Betrayal is painful. Whether the onset of a terminal illness leaves you feeling betrayed by your own body, the infidelity of a lover leaves you feeling stripped of security, or a friend who betrays your confidence leaves you feeling that a safe place doesn’t exist, the sting of betrayal can become an ache that feels unbearable.
Have you ever noticed how in the days of roadmaps, there would be tiny towns that weren’t on the map? You’d stumble upon them with no intent to stay; you’re just passing through. How many lives and vacations would be ruined or destinations unfulfilled, if you got stuck in the tiny town you were only meant to drive through?
But for many, that is exactly what happens when an emotional injury takes place. Instead of moving through it, there’s a “putt-putt-stop” as if the incentive that once fueled you through life has been depleted. We stop, think, wallow, rehearse memories and in the worst-case scenario, completely forget about the fact that we were in motion before the incident. Some experiences hit so hard that the emotional swing leaves you disoriented. Not only do you forget that you were going somewhere, suddenly you’re trying to remember where you are.
If you know how it feels to lose time, it’s likely that you’ve decided it’s too expensive to misplace. Since we cannot control life and it’s betrayals, there must be a way to guard yourself and leave them void of the ability to derail you. Yes, we must stay focused on the One who won’t hurt or disappoint us. The One who walks through the valley of the shadow of death WITH us, comforts us and protects us from utter ruin! (Psalm 23:4) We should have confidence in and expectations of Him alone.
The sting of a damaged heart changes you- it is the sharp-ended point that cuts a fork into your path. Will you dive or will you thrive? Will you taint or will you faint? Have you ever heard that depression is rage turned inward? There are those who cry and those who bully. There are those who crumble and those who oppress. There are those who fold and those who burst. How has your pain challenged you? More importantly, how has your pain changed you? Those who inflict pain are in much pain themselves. Those who don’t know how to love cannot recognize it [in their own lives] in order to give it.
We will experience different types of offenses. How do we love, YET steer clear of the madness? Being hurt or offended is a part of life. Not learning the lessons, not paying attention to familiar signs, repeatedly being vulnerable to the same type of offense is madness. Expecting better from someone who hasn’t increased his or her capacity to do better is suspect. Leaving yourself vulnerable to that type of person is insane. People come with different bodies and faces, but their ability to cause damage is built into the structure of their behavior. When we’ve paid attention to the modus operandi of the previous offender, and heeded the indicators, it becomes painfully clear when that behavior is in front of us again.
Hopefully, you’ll use this article as an opportunity to take inventory. Having been hurt before, knowing the sting of betrayal, ask yourself if anyone is currently derailed or stagnant because of a negative impact you’ve made. Have you honestly been a good steward of the relationships God has entrusted to your care? Are there any situations that need your attention? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be the reason someone loses any time getting to his or her destination (Luke 17:1&2). It’s the adult child, oooops… I meant the immature Christian that points their finger and yells “it isn’t my fault!!!” but the fruit-bearing disciple cares nothing about fault in an effort to see another person restored. Agape reveals to us that it isn’t about being right, but being RIGHT. God’s love teaches us to esteem others higher than we do ourselves (Philippians 2:3). Check your map, where are you? The truth may be PAINFULLY CLEAR.